The trouble is not lack of freshness, but lack of skill: the bread is evidently made by Mezzo’s own baker, a speciality of the house.A pan-Asian bias to the cooking tips the chef, John Torode, as an antipodean. Dishes such as seared tuna with Thai basil, crisp fired quail with soy dressing, and spiced duck with coconut dressing are listed alongside brasserie classics, such as roast chicken and onion tarts. There is a lot that sounds good but is unlikely to benefit from big kitchen assembly lines, whereas some, such as salmon choucroute with juniper, simply sound weird.Of savoury dishes sampled, the most conservative was the most successful: as a handsome starter, half a lobster was served with pleasantly bland mayonnaise. Another dish was half-good: a finger-sized piece of roast halibut (perfectly cooked) came with an artistic little pile of sweetly pickled ginger and coriander leaves. Next to it sat a leathery crepe, described on the menu as a “black bean omelette”, but tasting of nothing so much as undiluted, rather cheap, soy sauce.Main courses were mezzo-mezzo: a huge rib of beef, was served with big caps of steaky field mushrooms and a decent blob of Colman’s. The gravy was fine, if not, as my companion pointed out, from the cooking juices of the meat it attended. The meat itself was perfectly cooked, served rare and properly rested Still it didn’t taste of much.

Our second choice, confit of pork, lentils and braised onions, was an outright disaster. Grey-brown, dry meat came with withered roasted garlic (bitter, unseasonal and old, it did not take happily to the roasting) Pearl onions were better. Some sort of overcooked offal, a kidney perhaps, was strewn over the top Its taste, and texture, was akin to dried mud. The lentils, a sort of meaty brown sludge, were the highlight.Side dishes of mashed potatoes, chips and French beans cost pounds 1.95 each The mash was glutinous, probably from a blender. The chips were very like those served at McDonalds, if slightly thicker and not quite as good.

The French beans, of which there might have been 15, barely covered the bottom of the bowl This brought their cost, at a guess, to 13 pence each. Though hardly a bargain, they were perfectly edible.To the waiter’s enormous credit, he immediately enquired as to why the pork went uneaten, agreed it looked a bit sad and deducted it from the bill.Desserts were much better, if both rather too sweet. A pear and ginger pudding only went amiss by using its ginger- sugar bath as a sauce: too cloying, and oddly gritty Cream was needed. An orange creme renversee was a sort of citrus-flavoured creme caramel, served upside down Jolly good it was too.

However, an accompanying “sugar biscuit” was more like a piece of tree bark blown in on a gust of wind.The wine list does a nice trot through the French regions and New World, yet produces not enough of interest that is affordable and, up the scale, curiously unappealing wines The cheapest beaujolais, for example, is pounds 17.50 These are hotel prices. A 1993 Saintsbury pinot noir was delicious and, compared to the rest of the list, a bargain at pounds 19.95 Pity it was served too warm. Our meal for two, with the pork deducted, still came to pounds 89.61. Had both main courses been edible, it would have been just over pounds 100.As the meal progressed, the room gradually filled with first-wave types, sleek hair, smart clothes, out for a night rubbernecking Upstairs, the crowds were more like TGI Friday rowdies. This mix begs the question, when Mezzo’s novelty value fades, who will fill these 700 seats? All this tinsel sits strangely in Wardour Street. Indulging in a bygone notion of ritz made sense when reviving Quaglino’s – the historic St James showboat where Barbara Cartland insists she once found a pearl in her oyster.

However, by plunking Mezzo here in Soho, Conran has crudely gone against the kind of shaggy cool that provides the potent local glamourMezzo, 100 Wardour Street, London W1 (0171-314 4000). Mezzanine: lunch, Mon-Sat, 12 noon to 3pm, Sun to 4pm; dinner, Mon-Wed 6pm-12.30am, Thur- Sat to 2.30am; Sun to 11pm. Restaurant: lunch, Sun-Fri 12-3pm; dinner Mon-Wed 6-11.30pm; Thurs-Sat to 12.30am, Sun to 10.30pm Cafe: Mon-Sat 8am to midnight, Sun 10am to 11pm. LONDON

Glamour is not necessarily loud, so proves Le Caprice, Arlington Street SW1 (0171-629 2239). Designed by Czech architect Eva Jiricna, the place is sleek and cool. The suave receptionist treats first-timers like favourite customers The food sets out to appetise, not impress. Expect the likes of good brandade, salmon fish cakes, eggs benedict Vegetarian dishes Open Mon-Sat 12-3pm, Sun 12-3.30, daily 6pm-12 Reservations advisable About pounds 40.